From Desert to Oasis–From Dead to Living Stones

Over a month ago, I hurt my back–specifically my sacro-iliac joint. God quickly healed it with some help from chiropractic. However, the aftermath was that I had digestive problems.

Previously this system was working really well, but function came almost to a standstill. In the time after the back injury, I had some scheduled trips, one to WV and one to Israel. I managed to get by, but had over a month of misery.

One sidebar was that while in Israel a virus went through our group.  It gave people diarrhea and some also had vomiting.  My turn came in the middle of a ceremony we attended for the opening of a new building in a Bible college.  I had intense pain but none of the other symptoms.  The pain was so severe that my husband was trying desperately to find a solution.  Go to a hospital?  Cut the trip short and go home?

I asked a great woman of great faith to pray for me, and she did right there and right then.  Immediately, I felt completely well and participated in our last big celebration dinner with no problems.  She also prayed that God would get to the underlying spiritual issues related to my ongoing digestive system lack of function.

Two things on the Israel trip seemed to be tied in as God began to show the spiritual problem that was underlying my physical symptoms.  The first struck me in a talk that our pastor gave at Mt. Carmel.  He talked of Elijah and his battle with the prophets of Baal.  He spoke of the rain and dew in Israel being stopped for over 3 years.  That drought struck me as being a picture of me, but I did not understand fully until later when I was prayed for at home.  The second thing that hit me was the stones in Israel.  For the most part, Israel is a very rocky country and there are stones at most of the significant sites of Jesus’s life.  There is a stone you can touch where he was born, one where he was laid out after the crucifixion, where he was buried etc.  Plus most buildings are built from stone.  At the later prayer time, I understood more fully how stones tied in with my spiritual issues.

After the Israel trip, I saw a gastroenterologist who immediately did some tests. These showed no reason for the dysfunction, yet nothing changed for the better.

Finally, I asked a friend with the gift of healing and a ministry of Holy Spirit-led prayer to pray for me (along with the help of my best friend). She started the prayer time by seeing me in the Spirit as a little girl trying and trying to make the bow on a present look exactly perfect. I could not make it good enough no matter how hard I tried. This picture seemed to be tied into my family history of performance orientation, possibly an ongoing family issue for multiple generations.

As she prayed, she also saw a desert parched of water being turned into a lush garden in me. (This completed the picture of the drought in Elijah’s time which I knew was somehow related to my situation.) She then prayed for the muscles to relax in and around my low back.

After her prayer time, I prayed in repentance for my performance mindset and my continuing concern for what other people think as opposed to having the overriding goal of pleasing God alone.

After my praying friend saw the desert and lush garden picture, I saw a totally different one. I saw a massive stone which was my foundation–Jesus Christ. I had built my house of character upon that stone, but through my effort. I had determined to be kind, patient, considerate, gentle, caring, sensitive, persistent, loving of God and others, etc, etc. Of course these efforts did not work. My house of character, while built upon the foundation of Jesus was not sound. It was built by my work and not by Godʼs leading.

In my spirit, I could see God sweep his arm across and completely wipe the foundation clear. My old house of character was completely gone.

Patching up my house of character was not an option. My life must based upon hearing and obeying, not upon striving.

Of course, that night my body functions returned to normal after about 40 days of drought. What a wonderful thing!

This excerpt from Oswald Chambersʼ was in my daily email on the day of the prayer time. It seemed so applicable.

“The Christian life is stamped by ‘moral spontaneous originality,’ consequently the disciple is open to the same charge that Jesus Christ was, viz., that of inconsistency. But Jesus Christ was always consistent to God, and the Christian must be consistent to the life of the Son of God in him, not consistent to hard and fast creeds. Men pour them selves into creeds, and God has to blast them out of their prejudices before they can become devoted to Jesus Christ.”

As Christians, we are not following a dead manʼs creed, but we are including a living and interactive God into our lives. We cannot make choices and decide our characters and then ask God to bless that.

As a Christian, my house of character must be built out of living stones. My character needs to be built based upon consultation with God (prayer without ceasing), deliberate listening, then simply obeying. This may look inconsistent and discordant with the world, yet we are not called to imitate Christ but to be HIS workmanship.

Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain” Psalm 127:1

So here I am trusting the Lord to rebuild my house of character, but this time with living stones that he can rearrange and use as needed. This house may not be as I envisioned, but I am choosing to listen to and trust the architect of my faith. Then, not only am I being built with living stones but also I become an effective part of the living stone church that God has been building and using for ages past and ages yet to come.

As Far as the East Is from the West

Healing seems to be a natural thing, something built right into our bodies.  Yet, I have come to feel that all healing is miraculous–we just need eyes to see and ears to hear the truth of that.

Healing of our spirit and soul was also built into the original design plan.  We were designed to forgive and let bitterness be washed out immediately.  Never were we meant to harbor hard feelings or to carry the baggage of not forgiving.  Before sin came to dwell in us and around us, it was man’s nature to live in love.

Often when a crippled mind or heart (or sometimes even body) shows up, there is unforgiveness involved.  Knowing that seemingly unforgivable things happen, things which break my heart when I hear of them, I still know that healthy living only comes with true forgiveness.

So what is true forgiveness?  When I think of an example of forgiveness, I often think of my parents.  When it came to their children, they never failed to give complete forgiveness.  When I did selfish, childish, dumb things and told Mom or Dad I was sorry, never would I hear of my action again.  Actually, I believe my infraction was wiped from their memory.  This is the type of forgiveness God gives to his children in the Bible.  As far as the east is from the west, that is how far a repentant sinner’s wrongs are removed from him.  (East and West never meet, so this is an unfathomably huge separation.)

Is it possible for us to exhibit that kind of forgiveness?  Maybe to our children, with God’s help.  But it is always there in our memory, right?  I am convinced that there is a secret here that needs exploration.  When we are not healed in body, mind and spirit, is it because the dregs of unforgiveness remain?  Do we still tell others about our hurts?  Do we go in circles by repeating our judging then falling into our same old sinful patterns? Could this repetitive pattern be because we are not following in the example of God in letting repented sin be removed as far as the east is from the west from those who hurt us?

All this said, what was natural in Eden is supernatural now,  since we dwell in enemy occupied territory (life with sin).  There is no true forgiveness without the blood of the lamb.  Forgiveness at this point in time involves our choice, asking for God’s help, and receiving God’s gift.  Is it possible to view someone who has hurt you as so clean that their sins are as far from them as the east is from the west?  Yes, with God all things are possible. If you want a healthy soul, spirit and body, dig into this mystery with the help of Jesus.

Roman 2:1-4
1 You may be saying, “What terrible people you have been talking about!” But you are just as bad, and you have no excuse! When you say they are wicked and should be punished, you are condemning yourself, for you do these very same things. 2 And we know that God, in his justice, will punish anyone who does such things. 3 Do you think that God will judge and condemn others for doing them and not judge you when you do them, too? 4 Don’t you realize how kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Or don’t you care? Can’t you see how kind he has been in giving you time to turn from your sin? 

THE UNCRITICAL TEMPER (from Oswald Chambers–My Utmost for His Highest

Judge not, that ye be not judged.

Matthew 7:1
http://www.SearchGodsWord.org/desk/?query=mt+7:1&sr=1

Jesus says regarding judging – Don’t. The average Christian is the
most penetratingly critical individual. Criticism is a part of the
ordinary faculty of man; but in the spiritual domain nothing is
accomplished by criticism. The effect of criticism is a dividing up
of the powers of the one criticized; the Holy Ghost is the only One
in the true position to criticize, He alone is able to show what is
wrong without hurting and wounding. It is impossible to enter into
communion with God when you are in a critical temper; it makes you
hard and vindictive and cruel, and leaves you with the flattering
unction that you are a superior person. Jesus says, as a disciple
cultivate the uncritical temper. It is not done once and for all.
Beware of anything that puts you in the superior person’s place.

There is no getting away from the penetration of Jesus. If I see the
mote in your eye, it means I have a beam in my own. Every wrong thing
that I see in you, God locates in me. Every time I judge, I condemn
myself (see Romans 2:17-20). Stop having a measuring rod for other
people. There is always one fact more in every man’s case about which
we know nothing. The first thing God does is to give us a spiritual
spring-cleaning; there is no possibility of pride left in a man after
that. I have never met the man I could despair of after discerning
what lies in me apart from the grace of God.

For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged; and
with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you
again.

Matthew 7:2
http://www.SearchGodsWord.org/desk/?query=mt+7:2&sr=1

This statement is not a haphazard guess, it is an eternal law of God.
Whatever judgment you give, it is measured to you again. There is a
difference between retaliation and retribution. Jesus says that the
basis of life is retribution – “with what measure ye mete, it shall
be measured to you again.” If you have been shrewd in finding out the
defects in others, remember that will be exactly the measure given to
you. Life serves back in the coin you pay. This law works from God’s
throne downwards (cf. Psalm 18:25-26).

Romans 2 applies it in a still more definite way, and says that the
one who criticizes another is guilty of the very same thing. God
looks not only at the act, He looks at the possibility. We do not
believe the statements of the Bible to begin with. For instance, do
we believe this statement, that the things we criticize in others we
are guilty of ourselves? The reason we see hypocrisy and fraud and
unreality in others is because they are all in our own hearts. The
great characteristic of a saint is humility – Yes, all those things
and other evils would have been manifested in me but for the grace of
God, therefore I have no right to judge.

Jesus says – “Judge not, that ye be not judged” if you do judge, it
will be measured to you exactly as you have judged. Who of us would
dare to stand before God and say – “My God, judge me as I have judged
my fellow men?” We have judged our fellow men as sinners; if God
should judge us like that we would be in hell. God judges us through
the marvellous Atonement of Jesus Christ.

Judging vs. Honoring

I was challenged the other day to explain the bad kind of judging.  (We also use the word judge for discern which is a good and necessary part of life.)  As I struggled to explain this, I realized that I did not understand it all that well.

So after some research and brainstorming with Elijah House friends, here are the conclusions:

Judging is the opposite of honoring.  These concepts are both involved in big spiritual principles from the Bible.  “As you judge you will be judged.”( Mt. 7:1), and “Honor your father and mother so that all may go well with you, and your life will be long in the land.” (Eph 6: 1-3).

When we judge we lock someone in the past in our mind.  We choose to limit their potential in our thinking and in our interactions with them.  Instead of helping them to become what God wants them to be, we keep them in a box by labeling them according to their past actions.  Of course, there are other types of judging.  We can think of someone as “fat”,  “ugly “, or “stupid” or maybe just “not as enlightened as me”.   These may not be based in history with that person, just in our judgmental attitude of heart.

Honor, on the other hand, is future based.  It is founded on possibilities.   When we honor someone, we see them through God’s eyes as they were meant to be and as they can be with God’s intervention.  Honor is looking at someone, even someone who has hurt you, and choosing to see them as lovable and redeemable.  It means putting aside your own wounds to consider their hurts that have made them the way they are.  Honor is personified by Jesus on the cross when he said, “Forgive them for they know not what they do.”  He looked past the viscousness, tyranny, and cruelty to see that those who tortured and crucified him had wounded hearts so that  they did not understand what they were doing.

Asking for forgiveness for judging is a regular part of my life.  I don’t have the gentle kind of heart that automatically moves to forgiveness and healing.  I need constant intervention on the part of the Lord.  Some people whom I know always seem to look at situations through other people’s eyes.  They move without thinking into the forgiveness mode or the acceptance / love mode.  Praise God for such people.  I think they are not really human–they are actually angels.  (I happen to be married to one of them.)

For the rest of us, thank God for prayer.  Thank God for the constant availability of the Holy Spirit to help us through the process of forgiving and being forgiven.  For me forgiving and being forgiven is the most life-changing and powerful tool that we as Christians are given.  It is a gift that I want to pass on to all of mankind.  Praise God for his good gifts and for the training in how to use them.  (Read Pray Through It by Rob Morrissette)  Indeed, just praise God!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Choosing Your Cloak

Through a long series of discoveries, my eyes were opened to the fact that I was wearing a cloak of self righteousness.  I am not saying that I was not a Christ follower–in truth, I belonged to Christ.  What I saw in myself was a goodie two shoes, a brown noser, a people pleaser, a person who needed to be good and right etc.  Self righteousness can be equated to setting yourself up as a god.  It is a very serious and destructive sin.

Our small group helped me pray through this (check out the book, Pray Through It, by Rob Morissette).  This process involves the RIPE acronym for “RECOGNIZE”, “INVESTIGATE”, “PRAY” and “EXPERIENCE”.

The first step was already done in that I recognized that I had this problem.  The second step of investigating could usually be done by asking questions of the person involved or their family, especially parents.  I had no clue as to the root of this, and my parents are dead.

So as a small group, we incorporated the “investigate”  into the “pray” part and prayed as a group that God would reveal where this pattern had started in my life.  God immediately gave me a sense that I started this pattern early on in order to steal favor from another family member.  Apparently, I had a mistaken notion that there was only so much approval to go around.  Approval equated with love in my childish thinking.  I set out to get more than my share of approval or love by being righteous.

The “pray” portion of the RIPE process also includes repenting.  I asked forgiveness of God and family members out loud in prayer with the small group and spoke forgiveness to any whom I may have felt did not give me enough love in my childish misperceptions.   I also looked for vows that I may have implemented in my life.  It seemed that I had a vow of ,”I must always be right.”  This vow was renounced and broken by the cross and blood of Christ.

The last step is to “experience”,  meaning to walk in new freedom.  I felt an immediate difference after this process– a lightness and the biggest change that I have noticed since I began this Elijah House “un-peeling the onion” process. (See previous Elijah House entries to understand this reference.)  I noticed that I could look in people’s eyes without fear that they will see the phony me inside.  No longer did I  cringe away from touches or hugs.  As a final part of this process, I went to the family member whom I had wronged to make amends.  He graciously forgave me.

The biggest freedom in no longer wearing the cloak of self righteousness is this:   I am now really free to be fully covered by the cloak of royalty as a daughter of the living God.  Great exchange!

Link Between Spiritual Problems and Physical Illness

IMG_2310No one would dispute that maladies of the spirit affect the body. This entry is to purport how emphatically and even figuratively a disease or malfunction of the spirit is reflected in the body. Three specific examples which were personally known to me are my illustrations.

The first is a personal story. I had a diagnosis in my early 30ʼs of Dupuytrenʼs contracture. Here is the Mayo Clinic explanation of the disease:  “In later stages of Dupuytren’s contracture, cords of tissue form under the skin on your palm and may extend up to your fingers. As these cords tighten, your fingers may be pulled toward your palm, sometimes severely.”  In short, one can end up with a non functional hand.”

The cause of this is not understood and the treatments are not very successful. Usually the involved hand becomes non-functional and it can spread to the other hand.

As a physical therapist, I had actually treated a patient with this disease, (unsuccessfully I might add). I had seen him end up with a non functional hand in spite of every intervention. When I got my own diagnosis of Dupuytren’s contracture, I was desperate. No one was home when I came from the doctorʼs office, so I hopped on the treadmill and began screaming at God. It was a one way conversation until a point when I yelled, “Why did you do this to me?”

There was no physical voice that answered, yet the answer was so clear that there might as well have been. I heard more than I will relate here, but basically I understood that I did this to myself with my greed. With my grasping of things, a sin of the spirit, I caused the mirror image in my body of what was happening in my spirit. My grasping attitude led to a grasping disease.

The story has a happy ending. I repented and made every effort to change this attitude through cooperation with God. While I still have the nodule and the tendon tightness that first led to the diagnosis, it never progressed further. It has not interfered with my function. The slight contracture and knot serves as a reminder of what happened and a warning not to return to the sin of greed.

The second story was a friend of mine. She identified the spirit and body connection herself. Previously to becoming a Christian, she had 3 abortions. Later, when happily married and trying to conceive, she had 3 miscarriages before she finally carried a baby to term. Her conclusion was that because she did not value life, she could not sustain life. Yet, God was merciful and intervened to allow her to have a child. Again repentance and change of heart, along with her actions, were evident. She is strenuously pro-life and shares her experience freely to try to help others.

The third story was of a wonderful man who discovered he had a brain lesion that was causing weakness. He went through years of misery going from hospital to hospital through batteries of tests. His physical condition deteriorated, and the cause could not be found. Different treatments were tried, but nothing helped. Finally, he revealed that previous to his disease, he had been involved in a long term affair. This situation is still not resolved.  His disease is ongoing.  However, it seems like an obvious correlation. Hidden sin–hidden disease.

All of this to say one thing: If you have a sin in your past or an ongoing sin, repent and make it right. Even if the sin is not ongoing, the past can still come back to bite you. Get before God and tell him that you have sinned against him and that you are truly sorry. Ask for his help to never go in that wrong direction again.

Look at the Bible if you are not clear on what constitutes actual sin (versus what our culture says is right and wrong). Sex outside of marriage, lust, selfishness, greed, envy, are just a few. They are like a cancer.

Speaking of cancer, as you may know from previous blogs, I have active cancer. This whole subject made me wonder– could I have caused my cancer with my sin? We are so blind to our own sin. I have some thoughts on the subject but they are not solidified yet. However, I wonder if the basis could be 2 things–self righteousness and complaining.

I do not believe that every disease or disfunction is caused by personal sin. After all, we live in enemy occupied territory, and there is corporate sin which affects us all. However, I think it would be judicious for every disease-afflicted person to do soul searching and prayer, looking into the dark places of the soul and spirit with the help of the Holy Spirit.

Sweetie and the Gentle Giant

There once was a very young bird named Sweetie. She was part of a flock of brown cowbirds. Sweetie was much smaller than all of the others in the flock. Often the big ones would push her away when they were looking for food. Sometimes they would bump into her in a mean way when they were flying.

As a rule, cowbirds are not very nice birds. They lay their eggs in other birds’ nests. Often other eggs or baby birds who belong in those nests get pushed out.

Sometimes other types of birds toss out the cowbird eggs from their nests or refuse to raise the cowbird babies. When that happens, the adult cowbirds usually destroy the other birds’ nests.

But our little bird was exceptional. She was a sweet cowbird. That is why her name was Sweetie.

Sweetie was a skinny bird– brown with speckles. She was also a very lonely and sad little bird. It is no fun being left out and having no friends.

Sweetie’s flock of cowbirds started living in the lawn of a couple named Mr. and Mrs. Mac. Mr. Mac was a huge man–generally brawny, and very tall. He was also very kind. There were those who called him a gentle giant.

Traveling was a big part of Mr. and Mrs. Mac’s lives because their children lived in other areas. Sometimes they went on trips together, but at times one would go alone.

One summer, Mrs. Mac was gone for a while on a trip. When she came home, there was a surprise for her. As Mrs. Mac sat in the living room one morning, she was startled by a “tink, tink” sound. She hurried towards the direction of the sound. This led her to the bathroom.

There on the windowsill staring at Mrs. Mac through the glass was Sweetie.
The little bird stood still, just looking at Mrs. Mac and waiting. Mrs. Mac was surprised by this.

Mrs. Mac walked out onto the porch. “What are you doing here? You don’t belong here?” Sweetie just looked at Mrs. Mac but did not fly away. Mrs. Mac watched the bird for a while, then finally went on with her work.

In the next few days this same event repeated over and over. Sweetie would peck on the window and wait. When Mrs. Mac would go to the window, the tiny bird seemed to look above and behind her. Sweetie always seemed to be looking for something or someone– Mrs. Mac could not figure out what.

Mrs. Mac mentioned all of this to her husband. All he said was, “I know all about it.” He would say nothing further on the subject.

One day Mrs. Mac decided that she was tired of the pecking noise, as well as the mess left on, around, and under the window. She washed the window, the brick wall and porch floor under the sill, then she waited.

The next visit that Sweetie made, Mrs. Mac rushed into the bathroom and right up to the glass. Close to the bird’s face, she made a big, loud growling noise with her mouth wide open. “RRRRRROOOAAARRRRR!!!!!!”

Sweetie jumped off the sill as if she was scared to death. She flew to the kitchen sill, just a short distance away. Mrs. Mac followed her to that window and growled again. Poor little Sweetie flew off in terror and confusion.

Immediately, Mrs. Mac felt sad that she had frightened this little creature. “It was not that much mess to clean up,” she thought to herself. That evening she told Mr. Mac about what she had done and how badly she felt about it.

“Awww!” Mr. Mac said. “She was my friend. She came every day for a visit, and I talked to her. I did not tell you because I was sure that you would think that I was crazy. I didn’t know that you would scare her away.”

“What do you mean the bird was your friend?” Mrs. Mac asked.

“Well, when I got ready in the morning, the little bird would be waiting for me. While I shaved and washed up, I would talk to her. She would stand quite still, tilt her head, and listen.”

“What did you say to her?” Mrs. Mac asked.

Her husband responded, “Simple things–like how pretty and sweet she was, how nice it was for her to visit, and that I thought she would be a wonderful mother. I would ask if she had a nest with eggs.”

“Also, I let her know that I was happy to have her as my friend. Mostly, I just talked in a kind voice. I liked her, and I liked her visits.”

Now, Mrs. Mac felt even more sad about what she had done to frighten away pretty Sweetie. “She will never be back,” Mrs. Mac told herself.

Surprisingly, the very next day Mrs. Mac heard a much softer “tink, tink” sound. She tiptoed carefully to the bathroom, and there was Sweetie on the sill once more.

The bird seemed nervous and ready to fly away, but she first looked around Mrs. Mac to see if Mr. Mac was behind her. When she saw that he was not there, Sweetie flew away.

Mrs. Mac felt sorry again. She thought about what could be done to make Sweetie comfortable in visiting once more.

In spite of her fear of being growled at, Sweetie came back to visit Mr. Mac in the mornings. When Mr. Mac was there, the tiny bird listened without moving a feather as this gentle giant spoke his kind words to her.

One day, another chance with Sweetie came for Mrs. Mac. There was a cautious tap on the window, so Mrs. Mac quietly walked in. She went close to the bird at the window.

“Hello, sweet bird,” Mrs. Mac said. “I am so sorry that I growled at you. You are very pretty, and it is nice that you visit my husband. You are welcome here even if you make a mess.”

The gentle giant’s wife continued on for many minutes, saying sweet and soft words. She spoke kindly to the bird, and Sweetie tilted her tiny head in complete attention. The small bird stayed for quite a while until a loud street cleaning machine went by the house. Then the little creature was startled, and she flew away.

Sweetie gradually became more involved in bird activities. Yet Mrs. Mac noticed that Sweetie did not hang out with the other birds. Little Sweetie was building her very own nest.

Without warning, Sweetie’s visits stopped. The Macs looked for their small friend for quite a while before they totally gave up.

One bright sunny day, early in the morning, Mrs. Mac heard “tink, tink” once again. Her heart leapt with joy as she called for her husband. Before they made it to the bathroom window, they heard another very small “tink, tink” and then another.

As the Macs came into view of the bathroom window, they were greeted with the sight of Sweetie. No longer was she alone. On each side Sweetie was flanked by her babies. Sweetie proudly nuzzled both and then looked to Mr. Mac for approval.

“Well done, sweet girl!” said the gentle giant. “These are two beauties just like you. You could not have done better!”
Sweetie ducked her small head as if saying thanks and fluffed the feathers of her babies with motherly pride.

Mrs. Mac added, “These are lovely babies, Sweetie. We are so proud of you for raising them yourself.”

Sweetie did raise her own her babies with love and attention, breaking the cowbird tradition. Mrs. Mac wondered how much Sweetie’s friendship with Mr. Mac enabled her to love more completely. A quiet, small bird was an unusual friend for a gentle giant.

Lifeʼs Healing Choices Testimony

My name is Kathy and I am a recovering addict of self righteousness and judging others. Those who know me may say that I am filled with insecurities and fears–how does that fit? It is the other side of the same coin. These traits together form a vicious continuing cycle, and I am starting to understand the basis for this.

Although I came from a loving and wonderful family, there was a legacy of judging. We couched our judging in terms like ”analyzing”, “critiquing”, or “critical thinking”. There was an underlying philosophy of respecting only those who earned it, as well as the life- guiding principle that a person could always do better.

Thus, if I got Aʼs and one B in school, I would hear,”The next time you can get all Aʼs.” There was even the idea that you could improve your looks by stretching your upper lip or make yourself more attractive by walking a certain way. I remember getting such instruction from my mom. The idea of being content in who you are was foreign to me. I know the same was true in the generation before me from comments from my mom and aunts.

As a result of this generational sin and some very mild sexual abuse, I came up with my own picture of righteousness. It was based on performance and pleasing others–not upon being a child of God and pleasing Him.

The blame does not belong to my parents for these sin patterns. I could have read the Bible, repented and broken this cycle. So while I explain our family tendency, it does not lay my sin at my familyʼs door.
Of course, I freely passed on these tendencies to the next generation. I became the impossible taskmaster to our boys. They could always do better. I saw the boys as extensions of me. My heart breaks for the repercussions of this: these traits in me undoubtedly colored our sonsʼ perception of God. We tend to see God as we perceive our parents.

During all of my childhood, I longed to know God. When I was 17, the gospel finally penetrated my personal fog of confusion and I embraced a relationship with Jesus enthusiastically. Unfortunately, the same issues of self righteousness and judging came right along with me, along with self hatred, fear, and insecurities resulting from the small sexual abuses in my life.

So to flesh out what my sin looked like in practical terms, here it is. There would be periods of striving, working, and perfectionism. “Now I am on the right track. I have it figured out. If I just do this formula perfectly my life, and the lives of those I love, will be good.” Then, of course, I would fail. Next came the spiral into inactivity and depression
until I would determine to try again. I was trying to earn Godʼs love and the right to exist.

There were some moments of brief clarity when I got a message through Bible study or the Holy Spirit that would illuminate my mind. These messages, however, could not penetrate my heart until I started Elijah House study around 2000. My false views of God, myself, and others started to dissolve as I realized that my perceptions were based on sinful thinking.

Elijah House is a ministry which gives big picture Biblical truths–spiritual principles. These principles are repeated over and over in the Bible, but somehow, in my previous study, I focused more on the rules of the Bible. EH made me understand that the big principles are not about rules but about freedom.

Interestingly, these teachings still could not penetrate into my heart deeply until I was diagnosed with cancer. The cancer pounded the truths home. God knew what I needed to really get these truths in my heart. Within a period of 3 years, I was diagnosed with 3 separate cancers. The last diagnosis of lymphoma was, according to oncological prognosis, incurable (However, I know that with God all things are possible). From 2007 to 2009, I had 10 surgeries–I have lost count of other procedures.

What were the truths that finally penetrated my heart? Simple things:

1. Jesus loves me. I am his child and I do not have to earn his love. No one can take that love away. My identity as His child can never be taken from me no matter what. My heart is safe in his hands. My security rests upon the blood of Jesus alone.
2. Nothing is really about me, no matter my perception. It is really all about God. He gives me the privilege, as His child, of doing life with Him. He will never leave me. Everything in my life goes through His hands before it reaches me, therefore, it is all good. I can give thanks for even the toughest things knowing they are for my good and for Godʼs purposes.
3. My purpose here on earth is to love and serve God. This, in practical terms, means trying to hear God by reading the Bible and listening to the Holy Spirit. In my childhood, I dreamed of being another Marie Curie or Clara Barton. I have come to understand that loving God simply means serving others in whatever ways God directs. That might mean respecting your husband or speaking words of encouragement. It might mean a very minor supporting role. God is interested in developing character and does not look at life and accomplishments as the world does. What made the patriarchs so special? They believed God and obeyed Him. Earth is a training ground for hearing and obeying God. That is love.
4. I can never forgive others enough to equal all the times that I need forgiveness. The rotten bitterness in me needs to be spewed out in confession. My heart needs ongoing cleansing. Truly, to err is human and to forgive is divine. Forgiveness is accomplished
by God himself. The process of recognition of bad fruit, confession, repentance and making restitution must be included in my life constantly, both for the past and for the present.
5. Transparency is the way to go. All will come out eventually either here on earth or in heaven. It is better just to be real. Really, the only one I can deceive with my prideful games is myself.
6. The only things I will leave behind me on earth of eternal value will be reflections of Godʼs character. All else is temporary.

My goal is that my weaknesses and sins become useful for reflecting His strength and goodness. I am involved in teaching Elijah House, and I pray that God will expand the territory of my usefulness.

A Passion

This subject has been on my heart since my trip to Spokane for Basic 2 Training in Elijah House ministries.  It is important to me that I communicate this beyond my own capabilities.

 

Elijah House Inc. is something that I started into 8 or 9 years ago.  My best friend, Gail Pazdur, pulled me into it and we invested 2 years of our lives going through Basic 1 training.   It was life changing for both of us like nothing we had ever experienced.  We started sharing it with other women immediately and have not stopped.

 

The principles of Elijah House are Biblical.  One difference between EH and the numerous other programs that I have seen is that EH is a “big picture” study.  So the Bible is taken as a whole then distilled into a few basic practical spiritual laws which pervade our lives as surely as do the laws of gravity or centrifugal force.  These laws, in a abbreviated explanation, are about :

1. Sowing and reaping–  As you sow, you shall reap.
2. Judging– As you judge, so you will be judged.

3. Honoring–In the areas you can honor your parents it will go well with     you.  In the areas you cannot, it will not.

4.  Forgiving–As you forgive you shall be forgiven.

5.  Principle of Increase–Sow a seed, reap a plant.  Sow a wind, reap a whirlwind.

 

Applying these just on an intellectual basis probably would have a positive impact on our lives.  However, these principles along with all EH teaching are like tools in a doctor’s bag.  They are to be pulled out at the appropriate time and way with the Holy Spirit’s direction.

 

 

Many Christians feel that once they are committed to Christ their heart is completely transformed.  Elijah House teaches that as our lives (past or present) violate these principles,  we have the consequences of bad fruit (or in Bible terminology–sin). Bad fruits are choices that we make which don’t line up with the values of the Bible. (Romans 7: 16) We also have scars and walled off areas in our hearts.  Often these bad fruits and walls in our hearts are not visible to us, but those around us may see them clearly.

 

This past summer I had the desire to get more training at the mecca for Elijah House–Spokane, WA.(www.elijahhouse.org)  This time I pulled Gail along.  Neither of us knew how life changing this would be for us.

 

In a side story, I made plans for a visit with a new friend, Clair.  We spent almost a week together at the farm before my Spokane trip.  Clair is a straight-talking prophet.  She and I spent much time discussing spiritual issues.  Clair pointed out that I had major foundational problems in my relationship with God.  This was beyond my understanding but I prayed for God’s revelation on this.

 

Spokane was that revelation.  Gail and I discovered that God had stores of treasures for us there.  We both had major breakthroughs– it finally got through to our hearts once and for all  that God truly loves us.  Although I believed this in my head, some walls blocked the way of accepting it in my heart.

 

One wall was this:  for some specific reasons, I felt that I did not deserve to be here on earth.  My life was under a cloud of shame.  The scripture that says, “Don’t put your light under a bushel basket” pictures exactly what I was doing. The basket was actually this shame.  It seemed to me that all of my life, my focus was turned inward even though I wanted to focus on God and others.

 

This ministry revealed some of the lies I believed, the vows I took in my heart in response to those lies, and God’s truths to fill the place of those lies and vows.

 

Intellectual ministry would not have been enough.  It was necessary to have Holy Spirit directed  people minister– I needed to be healed in community under the tutelage of the Holy Spirit.  Traditional counseling operates under the premise that if you know the truth it will set you free.  Elijah House would say that the Truth (in the person of Jesus) sets you free.

 

Should anyone want more specifics on my inner healing, I will be happy to talk about it.  Elijah House is always about the wounded and broken ministering to the wounded and broken.  It is also about God using imperfect vessels for his purposes.  It is all about Him.

 

Just to make it clear, I am not totally fixed and never will be this side of heaven.  Even in the areas where I had healing, I can slip back to old habits.  The difference is that I am able to make choices in those areas now where once I was driven by wounds that I did not even see.

 

Elijah House is all about Him and all about freedom!